We knew we were meant to be

Sunday, August 27, 2006

A secret i kept within me...

Hi babes, I'm PMSing now..as usual my insecurities timbul...needed to talk abt dis with someone but i dun wanna freak my bf out. So bear wif me okie.

I noe I'm a person who noes wat exactly I want.

I wanna have a very comfortable life in future...

My plan was:

Step 1 - Work , gain experience and save $$

Step 2 - Get a degree

Step 3 - Get a better job with much much better pay once i have my degree in my hand

Step 4 - Get married

Step 5 - make my final decision on my career path

Step 6 - Take care of my hubby and kids while i watch my money grow

These plans were tattooed in my mind...there were no rooms for deviations (perhaps once lah...i felt dat i shld deviate, but someone advise me not to).

I have attended countless weddings and engagement ceremonies, including shida's. i feel so happy for them...but never did I once envy them..Coz I have these plans in mind.

But lately, i read my cousin's blog..she's getting married soon and she's talking abt collecting her keys from HDB and going to the contractor's and all (she's my age btw).

Somehow dis time...dis time something change...da way I feel changes...Weird..pasal kalau nak dikatakan, i'm much closer to shida as compared to my cousin...i only see her like once a year only man.

*sigh* I've been wondering wat am i feeling now...jealousy? fear? longing?

Jealousy coz kita slalu dibandingkan sejak kecik (grades lah, which school we went to lah)?

Or fear of being looked down upon by relatives? My relatives (my grandpa's side lah) are experts in comparing others, and then looking down on dem. not only dat...dey juz LUUUUUURVE to rub salt on an open wound.

or is it juz pure longing dat each girl feels?

But the thing is...why am I feeling this now? I didnt feel anything wen my cousin, shida or even comel got engaged...so why now?

My dear frens...did you guys ever feel dis same thing as me? or is it juz me? do you think you can help me understand?

Mardhiah...remember our conversation abt panic button is not pressed yet...does it mean my panic button is flashing? urging me to press?

gosh...I hate PMS and the emotions they arise in me..

say something pple...I'm kinda bored reading a quiet blog..

Oh btw, I made snow-skin mooncake and it turned out delicious!!

Nanti aku buatkan korang okie?

Salam sayang

~aya~

one of us penned our thoughts at 9:20 PM