We knew we were meant to be

Sunday, August 27, 2006

A secret i kept within me...

Hi babes, I'm PMSing now..as usual my insecurities timbul...needed to talk abt dis with someone but i dun wanna freak my bf out. So bear wif me okie.

I noe I'm a person who noes wat exactly I want.

I wanna have a very comfortable life in future...

My plan was:

Step 1 - Work , gain experience and save $$

Step 2 - Get a degree

Step 3 - Get a better job with much much better pay once i have my degree in my hand

Step 4 - Get married

Step 5 - make my final decision on my career path

Step 6 - Take care of my hubby and kids while i watch my money grow

These plans were tattooed in my mind...there were no rooms for deviations (perhaps once lah...i felt dat i shld deviate, but someone advise me not to).

I have attended countless weddings and engagement ceremonies, including shida's. i feel so happy for them...but never did I once envy them..Coz I have these plans in mind.

But lately, i read my cousin's blog..she's getting married soon and she's talking abt collecting her keys from HDB and going to the contractor's and all (she's my age btw).

Somehow dis time...dis time something change...da way I feel changes...Weird..pasal kalau nak dikatakan, i'm much closer to shida as compared to my cousin...i only see her like once a year only man.

*sigh* I've been wondering wat am i feeling now...jealousy? fear? longing?

Jealousy coz kita slalu dibandingkan sejak kecik (grades lah, which school we went to lah)?

Or fear of being looked down upon by relatives? My relatives (my grandpa's side lah) are experts in comparing others, and then looking down on dem. not only dat...dey juz LUUUUUURVE to rub salt on an open wound.

or is it juz pure longing dat each girl feels?

But the thing is...why am I feeling this now? I didnt feel anything wen my cousin, shida or even comel got engaged...so why now?

My dear frens...did you guys ever feel dis same thing as me? or is it juz me? do you think you can help me understand?

Mardhiah...remember our conversation abt panic button is not pressed yet...does it mean my panic button is flashing? urging me to press?

gosh...I hate PMS and the emotions they arise in me..

say something pple...I'm kinda bored reading a quiet blog..

Oh btw, I made snow-skin mooncake and it turned out delicious!!

Nanti aku buatkan korang okie?

Salam sayang

~aya~

one of us penned our thoughts at 9:20 PM

Saturday, August 26, 2006

A Thousand Apologies....

A thousand apologies for my frens..especially to Dibz & Isma..
Dibz...I knew i promised to meet you guys on the 31st rite?
I'm sorry i can't make it coz I hafta meet my clients that night...attendance compulsory and can't change the dates lah...
I'm really really sorry..I'll make it up to you guys wen we meet up next time okie?
Ni bukan bubble...its juz that I really can't avoid this one lah..

Sorry babes...
take care..

Salam Sayang
~aya~

one of us penned our thoughts at 9:37 PM

Saturday, August 19, 2006

=Reinvent Yrself=

"People should not harp on the past
Especially girls who have gotten hurt in previous relationships
Let your exes go
You cannot start afresh if you are bogged down by old baggage that you still lug around everywhere you go
So please learn to let go...reinvent yourself"

Another blog entry which i find it's true...

It's easier said then done... bt dis type of blog entries are the ones who always keep motivating you... dun u think???
=Princez Mar=

one of us penned our thoughts at 11:38 PM

=Get a Spark Plug?=

"Everyone knows that after being in a relationship for so long, it has its tendency to lose its 'sparks'..
It happens when the guy becomes too distant and the girl becomes too naggy...u know..the usuals
Stuck in a boring relationship? Has your relationship lost its sparks?
Girl in relationship asks: What happens if the relationship loses its sparks?
Guy in relationship answers: Get a spark plug?
Sometimes people should just hang a 'DNR' sign on their relationships. DNR = Do Not Resuscitate
It's better that way...Bury the 'dead' relationship, say a little prayer for broken souls and move on."

Was reading one of my fren's blog... tot of sharing with you guys her 2cents worth...

=Princez Mar=

one of us penned our thoughts at 11:34 PM

Monday, August 14, 2006

It Wasn't That Easy Afterall

Hey dearies..

Sorry I wasn't down for the last get-together..

Well, I have come to a stage where I just have to admit that being engaged is not that easy afterall.. The trials and tribulations just come rolling in like nobody's business and the slightest mistakes that you make seem to be like a great deal to the other party..

Where I am right now, there might be some priority shifts but I just don't understand how guys make their changes.. Hmm.. Not talking sense? It's ok.. I don't understand, myself..

It's less than 19 months left to the big day.. 81 weeks to be exact.. And I am having mixed feelings already.. A bit happy, a bit scared, a bit worried, a bit sad, a bit skeptical..

A whole load of things going on in my mind..

Still some stuff yet to be finalised..

Hate this feeling..

I miss you girls a lot.. And Rohaya, with regards to the family day thingy, why don't we organise a chalet or something? We organise a family day arh.. Mesti gerek kan?

To Isma and Mar, be strong yah! These are just some challenges that you have to face in life..

To Lulu, come back already lah girl! Very hard to get hold of you these days.. Hehe

To Kakak, bila you nak gi spin2? Can bring us along.. Hehe

To Lynn, hang on there girl.. You are just a few steps short from your finishing line..

To Dibz, I have to second Rohaya, you are the one who never fails to brighten up our days..

Thanks darlings, I love all of you.. Muakz!

one of us penned our thoughts at 10:50 AM

Sunday, August 13, 2006

updates updates

Salams pple...
Its been quite a while since we all meet...
And I sense there are changes in some of ur lives...some good, some bad..
but, everyone seems to be keeping to themselves..
share your news..be it good or bad...
yang ringan sama dijinjing..dan yang berat sama dipikul...(kalau nak dipukul pon boleh jugak ye! hehehe)

Isma babe..i think i noe how u r feeling abt being sick of life..
I mean, nowadays i often sit and think where my life is heading to...and how far i am from my vision..sometimes, i wonder if watever i am doing is da right decision...but more often then not, i feel like giving up everything.
But watever it is, be strong babe...kalau kau boring boring, call aku jer..

Mardhiah..something is bothering you...but i noe not wat...is it mahadi? or is it ur family? wanna tell us abt it?

Kakak..U seem to be doing pretty well...alhamdulillah..
But if there's anything, tell us tau!!

Shida..kau dah lama sepi tanpa berita..but i received ur smses...so i noe dat u r still there..tapi apa khabar kau sekarang? any stories or updates to share?

Lynn, hows life there so far? coping well? miss us oredi?

Dibz...hahaha...apa perkembangan kau sekarang? thinking of u n ur stories always make me smile...u r always da life of da group, making us laugh and smile...but once again, luka didalam tak siapa tahu kan?
bak kata my favourite song..."tangisan dalam ketawa, sedu sedan menjadi syair cinta...." chebah!!!
I hope everything is alrite for you now.

Lulu..how r u back there? have u earned enuff money to give me oredi? haha..juz kidding...i sound like a pimp =cP

Anw, I think its time for another get-together ey?
But let's have it differently dis time..lets invite our families..so dat our families noe each other..
I bet if my mum sat beside ur mum on the train, they wouldn't haf recognised one another (probably becoz my mum is kinda shy maybe?)..
So...how abt:
1) 8-1ders family trip (to melaka or werever, we'll hire a coach);
2) 8-1ders family chalet;
3) 8-1ders family picnic; or
4) 8-1ders family Hari Raya celebrations

Any ideas pple? get back to me ok?
Oh yah..updates abt myself..
Life is normal...Another painful pimple is popping up on my face..again!! gosh! any tips to get rid of it??
Made Putri Salat yesterday, Azlan's request...now he said his mum wants to taste it! yikes!!!! Dah kena test lah ni...tapi i noe i'll flunk it coz it doesnt really turn out well dis time... =cP
gosh!! my sister is watching National day parade..again!!! I think she wanted to catch her boyfren on TV (which was less then 5 seconds). Sanggup dia eh?

Okaylah..i think i wanna go jurongpoint to look for VCD Gubrar (is dat the correct spelling?) I watched Sepet yesterday...rented it..it was quite good lah..

okay babes..keep in touch...
Love u all..
Salam Sayang
~aya~

one of us penned our thoughts at 2:36 PM

Whatever I'm thinking, I do not know..

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly awayI don't know where my soul is (soul is)I don't know where my home is(And baby, all I need for you to know is)I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away (fly away)I don't know where my soul is (soul is)I don't know where my home is(And baby, all I need for you to know is)-Nelly Furtado

How I wish i could sing that song still!!!! No commitment, No responsibilities, No anything... The moment I wake up, I have to make decisions, leave the house, decide, reach work..more decision..and on and on..

I just wish I could run away..from everything, fly away from everything.. I'm sick of having to make every decision, to take all the responsibilities.. I have over committed financially and in all other ways.. I just wish I could say, No, I cant help you..Sorry I wont be able to do this..and blah blah blah.. But no..I cant..Why??? I put myself into this position..My family is fully dependent on me, I am now the decision maker of everything at home..I am proud of myself..Yes..I could do this..I could make a different in someones' life..

But I need a life myself..Someone said I'm selfish but then again all I did and been doing is not to my only benefits..Why is life so difficult?? Why is life so complicated??

Every Saturday I would watch Hindi midnight show and I think thats my life only.. I would only be able to dream and fantasize..And then back to reality..Can I just run away from it??

I cant love or fall in love..I dun have the time for that..But what do I really want, I myself do not know..Where I am heading to, I do not know..What is happening to me, I do not know..

What I know is..I need a life..

whatever i'm thinking when blogging this..I do not know..

..Ismawaty..

one of us penned our thoughts at 2:57 AM

=enjoy...=