We knew we were meant to be

Monday, April 10, 2006

Do you remember??

Do you remember who, among us created this blog and was very excited about us blogging in one main blog? I do..Even though at that time i was still very new to the blogging world. I didn't bother much about blogging either, because blogging was very foreign to me. However, now, i'm addicted to it.

Do you remember who turned this simple, pictureless blog into something which still had retained its simplicity but added a little beauty because a picture of us is inserted? I remembered how excited i felt that day when u msn me asking me to go and see the blog coz u've added a little something to it. And i thought it was beautiful. Simple, yet beautiful. I still think the same way now..

Do you remember who started fotopages? I guessed i started fotopages because u introduced me to it.

Then i started my own blog, because i thought, having my own blog wasn't too bad at all. Coz i remembered telling Aya in Poly, that i would never blog or create a blog because a blog, or diary shoul be personal where only the author can read it, and nobody else. Of course, i have turned my own words into a different angle.

If i remembered correctly, the purpose of having this blog is for us to share wateva's been happening to each of us. This is one of our many ways of communicating with each other.

Now, i never expect this to happen.

What is going on girls?

I, for one, know that i am not the good fren here.
I purposely missed one of the so-called 7 wonder's engagement, which was supposed to be a very meaningful day of her life.

I, again, purposely missed out Isma's sis engagement and also Mar/Isma's birthday celebration on the very same day. I had no plans during that 2 days, and i was being a spoil-sport and decided not to turn up. Not to mention both events took place on a Sunday.

Why do i feel that now that i'm back in Singapore, one after another, people that i love are running away from me? One came as a rude shock,just merely weeks after i came back, and i know i won't be seeing him again for sure.

And now, another one?
Just like that?

Lin, i read ur entry. I, too felt sorry that u felt that way But, remember this?

Now i know why u said u were shocked to see ur picture in that montage. When i read ur tag, i thought, "Oh? Why is Lin shocked?" Now that u mentioned it ur blog, i began to understand.

If i feel that u were not part of us, i wouldn't have added ur pic in that montage.
Coz i felt u are part of us, and that we share this blog together we went to picnic n sakura n hari raya visits together, u knew its mar n isma's birthday, thus the wishes u gave them, therefore your pic in that montage. Please, its not just to fill in an empty space. I never thought of it that way. We've always like u to be one of us, just like, as aya said, i thought u'd be more comfortable with Lynn, with our timetable clashes and all. You are one of us..you are part of us. But, yeah, why is it 7 wonders, i also wonder.

"Seven days and seven nights of thunder.
The water's rising and I'm slipping under.
I think I fell in love with the eighth world wonder"

Ok, i side track a bit, that was a song by Vanessa Carlton. The song came to my head while typing the above paragraph.. Lin, u are our 8th world wonder! You've always been our 8th world wonder.

Last, but not least. This is something completely unnecessary coz it happened too long ago,which i have kept for a very long time. Thought i'd just let it out so that u'd know, although its much better if i just keep it to myself.

Remember the time before i flew off to Perth?
I decided not to tell you when's the exact date and time of my flight coz i dun wanna see u there at the airport? Why? Here's why.

Remember i invited u to come over to my place for a small makan2? It was during Hari Raya Haji and my mum told me to invite all my friends to come over.
I did invited all, my secondary school friends, my ite firends and u girls of course, and u even told me that u'd be coming. Actually, i wouldn't want that makan2 thingy, but my mum insist, and also, instead of just ordering the food like we always did - for my sister's makan2 b4 she went to Adelaide and my mum's pre-haj kenduri, my mum decided to cook instead.

I expected at least 20-25, less than 30 of my friends to come over. So, my mum cooked for those amount of people. In the end, who came? How many came?

Only Mardhiah and family came, plus one of my ite fren with her husband. Only 2 of my friends came, which i really appreciated.

If its not because of my dad's best friends from Brunei, about 15 of them, the house that day would be unattended by any other guests.

I guessed i did not entertain Mar n family well enough that day coz i was too dissapointed. 9pm came, and mom suggested to bungkus wateva food we had and give it to our relatives who were told not to come that day in case there's not much space in the house..Well, my relatives came over the night before for a mini kenduri.

Yes, its Hari Raya Haji, i know. But if u think u couldn't come, please say u couldn't. Dun say, 'yes, i'll be coming' and the kept me waiting until in the end, no one came.

That's basically the reason why i did not tell u my flight details, not to you, nor to any of my other friends. Even my best friend. I did not call anyone. I just kept it to myself. So, when i went off, none of my friends actually knew that i've actually flew off to Perth that day. When my best friend called to look for me, i was already in the plane. So, we didn't get to talk.

Well, i just pretended that nothing happened. That's all i could do. When i saw u girls at the airport early morning, i had to pretend that nothing happened. I had to pretend that i wasn't dissapointed. But i wasn't pretending to be happy to see you there, each time i flew off. In fact, i was glad, i was touched. But i dun want it to be such a hassle especially those living far away from the airport as u have to wake up early in the moring just to send me off coz my flights were always in the morning.

Thats why u never see any of my other friends sending me off, coz they didn't know.

Well, what i'm trying to say here is, we've all had our small-hearted moments in a friendship. We all had a moment or two or perhaps more when we felt dissapointed with someone, something which we couldn't stop from happening. We are going though that phase now.

A blog i read had this quote which i find very meaningful.

"In order to see the rainbow, we have to endure the rain and thunder"
Or something like that.

I guess this friendship is going through its heavy rain and thunder and lightning now.

So, Shida, u created this blog, u got us together and now u want to back off?
Just like that? I know i'm not ur favourite wonder among us coz i had been nasty to you, many times.U and i had never been close like how close u've been to Mar..and perhaps, Aya...

From my eyes, the blog u wrote was driven by angst within you because u felt misunderstood. Yes, being a teacher is tough. I, of all people should know that very well, coz i've been living with teachers since i was born.

But, seeing that 'the best way out is to back off...'I dunno what to say.
What can i say?
I'm not gonna ask u to pretend that nothing happened, coz something did happen here.

Again, for the third time this phrase being used in this enrty,

Just like that, Shida?

Just me,
~DelysaPuteri~

ps:Ya Allah! Panjangnya ini entry!!! Sorry many many! *hugs*

one of us penned our thoughts at 10:46 PM