We knew we were meant to be

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Its juz me tots..

Salam Peeps..

okay..i noe dis place haf been quiet lately rite?

okaylah..lemme fill da emptiness...but if you dun wanna read my crap..feel free to scroll down and read mar's okay..

Okay..lately i've been thinking alot...about my love life..or lack thereof heheh..

2 weeks ago..i went menziarah Azlan's family wif hairil..Azlan's dad passed away. FYI, Dats da first time i met his family. Anw, we chatted for a while, den his mum joined us. his mum ceritakanlah how the arwah was like wen he was alive. Previously, i found out frm Azlan dat his parents r very loving and romantic...dey go "dating" together alot..go APM lah..go jalan2 lah..wat lah..

Aniways....as she was telling me all the sweet and loving memories about azlan's late father..my heart juz wept for her.

7 mths ago, i broke up with a guy whom i loved very deeply..the pain i felt during the break-up was sooo unbearable! i felt as if the nothing holds any meaning to me.. you guys haf been in love, and heartbroken before..you noe at i mean..

the pain was soooo intense rite? you feel like your body was torn apart..

And I realised dat..wat i went thru 7 mths ago was NOTHING compared to wat Azlan's mum is going thru! Imagine..u haf been married for 32 yrs..and suddenly, without warning, everything is gone juz like dat! I mean..i broke-up..but at least i noe i can still see hairil or hear his voice...but for Azlan's mum..there's no way to....He's gone..and wont be coming back.

Can you guys try and imagine yourself in her shoes? I tried...and i wept pails & pails of tears...

(Of course..Hairil was uncomfortable wif me crying beside him on our way home in a cab)

Before we left, his mum gave me dis advise : Love someone and cherish him while you can..you're still young...dun waste precious time coz you'll never noe how much time you haf..

touching huh? She's one helluva strong woman i tell you!!

Yesterday i went to watch dis Japanes movie. Its titled Crying Out Love In The Center Of The World . Its highly recommended by me!!! Its sad..and makes you cherish your love ones...Its abt love..being separated by death. Makes me wonder..if i die...will there be pple crying for me? My eyes r like leaking taps (i guess i can say dat crying is my latest hobby nowadays)

Aniways..my point is...Life is short...And I dun think i wanna spend da rest of my life without love. I wanna fall in love...and never hit the bottom...haha crazy rite? but i pray dat i'll find it InsyaAllah...

And I wont rush into making hasty decisions...

Which is why i decided not to accept Andri's proposal...I dun wanna get married for the wrong reasons.

Btw, kak..sori if i didnt tell you dis..

I met Andri Online..he's 27, Indonesian, but has been staying in Germany for like 7 years. He proposed 2 mths ago..and wants to meet my parents...but i told him to give me time.. He's a really good guy..pious and everything. I noe he can lead me to the right path InsyaAllah.

At dat time i tot it was good..coz it'll be marriage..a halal way..you noe...cutting down on the harams wen dating and all..and i foolishly tot dat there'll be love after marriage..

but haha..i realize dat i'm not really dat kinda person..I dun think i wanna risk it..wat if there's no love after marriage?

I want love..not juz normal love..i want GRAND PASSION...the touches dat sizzles..the little looks dat'll bring you warmth all over...And flames dat will never die even though u're old and wrinkly, your teeth falling out and all. I envy wat Azlan's parents had...still in love even wen they are old.

*sigh* where can i find such love? Yellow pages ada tak? Ebay ada jual?

sheesh rohaya...stop walking on the clouds and get back down to earth..

Now you noe y aya is always reading romance book..

Okay now..i guess i'll stop here before i blabber sumore and embarrass myself further..

leave your comments guys..

Salam Sayang

~aya~

one of us penned our thoughts at 12:17 AM